Stephanie Marie

Last week, a giant in the local transgender community passed away even though she would not see herself as such. Pamela Jones gave and lived more during her final years on this earth than anyone I've known. During a time when most people are thinking about retiring, she was beginning a new. Her ability to communicate the very basics of integrity and human dignity went beyond labels like transgender. Pamela is truly one of the most remarkable people I have ever known, and her effect on me will last a lifetime. I will admit I've had a difficult time dealing with Pamela's death. I've known her over 14 years back even before I went out as Stephanie for the first time. We met online via our Geocities websites (remember those?) and emailed for a couple years. We finally met in person in 1999. In recent years, she became a confidante. Pamela was someone I could run thoughts and ideas by without feeling I was being judged. We thought a lot alike about many issues running the ga...

At a recent contra dance, one fellow offered everyone in his square a Life Saver candy. It was the second half of the dance night following a thirty minute medley (which was wonderful and exhausting!). I'm sure my breath was less than minty so I was glad to accept a lemon one. Virtually nothing was said as we passed it around, but I thought it was a nice gesture. I'm sure my future partners were quite appreciative as well. It got me to thinking about acts of kindness that we do for each other as individuals while expecting no recognition. Just doing it because we see a person in need. I'm not talking so much about organized group efforts which serve so well in our community. These are the daily acts that go unnoticed but still affect people in such a strong and positive way. There are no ulterior motives... just a desire to see a person live a better life. In the hustle and bustle of life, I'll be honest in that I don't do the best job of recognizing such opportunit...

You know the song by James Taylor beloved by all University of North Carolina alum. In my mind, I thought this day would never come. I graduated from UNC in 1994 and soon after left for Charlotte to work. I received a piece of paper saying I had graduated with a BA in something, but I felt like there was still some unfinished business. By the time I started going out en femme in 1998, my old life in Chapel Hill seemed like the opening to Star Wars... a long time ago in a galaxy far far away. Yesterday, I returned as the real me and found I still belonged. When I was a student at UNC, my belief system was much more rigid and unforgiving not to mention extremely conservative. This was my time in a fairly fundamentalist church which viewed gays (and really most of the world) as perverted and sinful. I was only beginning to explore my gender identity which I knew would be completely incompatible with the church. When I was discovered, I felt like it would be the end of everything I knew. I...

Almost three months into the new year, and I am beginning to see some turnaround. As usual, it occurs at a snail's pace. However I am making progress towards both the person I want to be and the person I'm intended to be. Call it maturation, an opening of the eyes, a clarity of purpose. They all apply. Just a few short stories to flesh out that idea... I recently celebrated my 41st birthday. Yes, I'm still counting. The outpouring of love particularly on Facebook was humbling. All the kind words and notes were said and written by friends that I never would have met if I had never come out as Stephanie. My birthday was culminated by my Charlotte contra dance group singing Happy Birthday to me. This was particularly special as the words "dear Stephanie" were part of the annual rite for the first time in my life. I cried tears of joy on the way home. It is moments like these when I know I'm on the right path. Even with all the difficulties of life as a transgende...