Stephanie Marie

I had thought about not continuing my year end series from last year which ended with so much promise and hope. 2010 on paper was not the best year personally. I took more hits as a transgender woman in 2010 than in several previous years combined. There was much disappointment in many of my efforts for the community and myself. I was also the target of many unkind remarks more so this year than ever before. Some of them even came from people in the LGBT community. I can only guess I am riling a few feathers although the fruit is not obvious. Through it all, contra dancing remains a social and spiritual lifeline. While nowhere close to perfect, I can't imagine my life without it. I have been going out as a transgender woman for almost 13 years although only in the last few years have I started down the road of transition (that is, committing more of my life to living as a woman). I am not a beginner at this, and I've had my share of colorful incidents and encounters. For some r...

The following is my speech for the Transgender Day of Remembrance observance in Charlotte, NC on November 20, 2010. I was asked to speak on the history of the event. The Transgender Day of Remembrance was first officially observed in 1999. However it really began with a candlelight vigil following the murder of Rita Hester, a popular African-American transsexual woman, on November 28, 1998 in Allston, MA in the Boston area. Rita Hester was stabbed 20 times, but nothing was stolen from her person. Like so many murders including those in the transgender community, this one would have been forgotten and conveniently overlooked if not for the efforts of the local community organizing a candlelight vigil on December 4 which drew an estimated 200 in attendance. The lack of investigation by local law enforcement and the negative coverage in the press only a month after the tragic murder of Matthew Shepard angered many. The press consistently referred to Hester as a “transgendered man.” By the...

I recently brought back the Transgender Adventures in History presentation at the last Southern Comfort Conference in Atlanta. Walking through the hotel lobby wearing my green Civil War era dress, several people approached me about attending the seminar but had conflicts with the scheduled time. They asked about an outline of my seminar notes. So here is a Reader's Digest version of the presentation. Of course, it is better to attend if only to see the beauty of me in a corset, hoop skirt, bonnet, and big dress! My next presentation is September 28, 7 pm at the Charlotte LGBT Community Center as part of Pride Charlotte Week. Transgender Adventures in History is designed as a combination of my gender identity and mainstream reenacting. At the 2006 Southern Comfort Conference, I was so moved by what all my transgender brothers and sisters were doing that I decided to revisit some old ideas. I presented the seminar idea following 2007 SCC and have continued with it ever since. It i...

Nothing like a hometown dance with a wonderful band to clear all the gunk out of your heart, soul, and mind. I posted the above on my Facebook page last Wednesday night following a particularly fun dance in Charlotte with the band Nor’Easter. It was a magical night where it seemed every partner and I were in sync with each other, the music, and the rest of the dancers. It truly is special to have a connection with your dance partner that goes beyond the dance and spoken word. That human connection has given me life experiences that I’ve never had before as a woman which is a special gift. My growth as a dancer recently has been in that connection with others. You start out very wobbly learning the steps and then how to work those steps to the music. Like learning anything new, those initial dances are a bit of a stumbling process. Fortunately the contra dance community is very forgiving which gives new dancers room to develop. I was so tight and nervous the first several months of danc...

In the initial discussions for the 2010 Carolinas Gender Odyssey , it was pretty quickly decided that the Saturday night formal event should include the return of the Magnolia Ball. For those that do not remember, the Magnolia Ball was held each May (usually in Charlotte) up until 2001. For many years in the 90's, it was the premier spring event in the Carolinas. I must admit that a smile and a tear came to my eye when we decided to include the Magnolia Ball in the inaugural CGO. My first Magnolia Ball was in 1998 at the old Valentino's on Independence Blvd.I had bought a royal blue prom dress at a Goodwill store in Wilkesboro. It was a few years The dress became very special as I had always wanted to be the girl at the prom. Putting on that dress, seeing myself in the mirror, getting help with my makeup were all quite emotional. I even was a back-up lip-syncer in one of the acts. The late Dyana Lee Radke complimented us on our timing with the twirls. I have been fortunate enou...

Those who are friends with me on Facebook have already seen part of this story. I have had conversations with transgender people over the years whether it is worth the effort to be out in the world as a TG woman. This is my response. One disclaimer and caveat is that your mileage may vary. What works for me may not work for you. That's just life. For the longest time, I had been looking for another social outlet as Stephanie. I had a desire to make friends and be around people who knew me as the real me. I have been very blessed in the past 10 months to have found this outlet in contra dancing . While it hasn't always been easy, it has been rewarding in a way that I could have never imagined before. One of my TG friends, Paige, said it very well that you will of course meet people who reject you out of hand. That's life. The opposite is also true. I have many new lifelong friends. One of my dance friends, Holley, told me around the holidays how much the Charlotte dance comm...

One of my favorite scenes in Dead Poet's Society involves the Robin Williams character asking his poetry students to stand on their desks. Initially thinking the exercise silly, the students comply with wondrous results. An otherwise ordinary classroom looks very different from an unfamiliar position. The idea is of course that a change of location, even something very simple, produces a very different view of the world. Contra dancing has somewhat of a similar perspective element. You're always in motion with regards to the dance floor and the people around you. However one move, the swing, has the wondrous capacity even while in motion to make the world stand still. It all depends on where you look. If you point your eyes in the space around you, the world becomes a literally dizzying confusing place. It is near impossible to maintain balance. Looking at your partner's eyes produces the opposite effect of calm and stillness. He/she is in the same place for the whole mov...

Wishing all a very happy and joyous 2010. I begin my first post of the new year with a look back at the old year. I posted on Facebook on New Year's Eve: I have dubbed 2009 the year I grew my wings and learned to fly with some nervous but certain steps into the world. In 2010, I will fly higher into that world and soar like the great eagle. Later that night while waltzing at the contra dance, my partner Gretchen asked me if I felt I had transitioned in 2009. I don't think she meant transition in the sense that the transgender community uses the term (i.e. full-time living, surgery, etc.). I think she was asking about how I viewed myself. I said yes in the sense that I had begun socializing in the mainstream world as Stephanie. She agreed and added that it showed very much in my dancing. I am always moved when a friend makes that kind of comment. Looking back, it seems I am being shown a path that I had never before considered. It involves being vulnerable and more intimate with...