Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Imperfections


As a transgender woman, I see imperfections in myself everyday. My photos often reflect those less than ideal looks and my insecurities concerning them. Over the years, I have become more comfortable in my own skin, and my photos show that. As my last short story alluded to, I still feel like a teenage girl sometimes. I am slowly growing out of that phase. However many of my girlfriends tell me the insecurities never go away. You just learn to deal with them better.

The above photo represents many things to me. If you had shown this photo to me five years ago, I would have said that is impossible. Out in the open, my natural hair, a feminine dress... the look is so much of what I've been working towards in my presentation. Add what I know today with my love of contra dancing and twirly skirts, it should be a winner. It is after all me in my favorite dance dress taken in a beautiful setting off the Blue Ridge Parkway near Blowing Rock. It was the cap to a wonderful Easter weekend of dancing, calling, and renewed friendships.

Yet I almost didn't post it. My hair was messy, the skin was glisteny, and the lighting was bad amongst other problems. It certainly isn't a glamour shot. I almost let these issues detract from the overwhelming good.  I do constantly strive to improve my presentation, and the road ahead is quite long. I am impatient because after all life is only so long, and I'm not getting any younger. I so want to be that woman that I am meant to be. Guess what... I'm already there in many of the ways that matter.

The photo does remind me of how far I've come. And I'm happy in it... really, really happy. I wanted the memory to be preserved, and I wanted to share it with others. So here it is with all its imperfections. Happiness in my green floral twirly dress, with long hair that is all mine, with a smile, outside in nature, a woman being who she is, and telling her friends.

1 comment:

Emily said...

You are radiant, inside and out.