A Kind Word
“I love your dress.”
“You look really nice tonight.”
“You're wearing the dangly earrings!”
“Hello, gorgeous!”
“You are really beautiful.”
I've had all of the above said to me as
Stephanie, some in the past couple of weeks. A genuine compliment is
so powerful particularly in an otherwise harsh world. For me, many of
the compliments are to my female presentation which makes me feel
more feminine, and that is a very special gift. That is part of the
beauty of the kind words because my close friends know my struggles
in showing the real me with a body that doesn't match.
A few years ago at one of my first
formal mainstream outings, I was wearing my favorite strapless floor
length dress and had already gotten many compliments. It made me feel
very good, and I wanted a way to return a bit of the positive
karma... a sort of nice pay it back. I got the crazy idea that I
would pick five women who were wearing dresses I thought were nice
and tell them how much I liked their outfit. I wasn't sure how it
would go particularly coming from a transgender woman. Would they
think of me as a guy hitting on them? Each time, I made it very quick
in passing, and every time, it brought a smile to their face. They
seemed to accept me as a woman giving another woman a compliment.
That was as empowering to me as the kind word was to them.
Much of what I've experienced is
learning to be accepted as a woman. Even if my appearance is not
perfect, I hope my actions and demeanor show my true feminine self. I
could go into a long dissertation about how men are competitive when
meeting other men or women are more nurturing. While not always true,
I have found women more willing to help build each other up. This is
especially true with many of my dance girlfriends, but I have had
beautiful interactions as well with complete strangers just passing
by. It is another confirmation that I fit better in a woman's world.
One of my favorite daily websites the
last few months is Operation Beautiful. Caitlin, the owner, started
posting positive sticky notes in the women's room and other places.
It has become a bit of a phenomena encouraging girls and young women
to help bring out the inner beauty in each of us. What often brings
me joy is they are not just empty inspirational phrases. The notes
simply help us see what is already inside of us. Sometime it's hard
to see our uniqueness and yes, even our flaws as gifts. It took me a
long time to embrace my gender gift. It is difficult in a world that
demands perfection and conformity. Yet how dull life would be if we
didn't pursue our special talents and abilities.
A kind word... it's ok to say and
write. We need more of them even for the men in our lives! Do it in a
genuine way. Lift someone up and help them see how much they have
within them. In the meantime, I think I need to buy some sticky
notes!
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