Friday, February 22, 2008

Happenings Ten Years Time Ago

Stephanie Marie's First Picture, February 21, 1998I chose the above psychedelic tune from the Yardbirds because it has indeed been a long strange but wonderful trip. Ten years ago yesterday (2/21), I ventured out for the first time en femme. I believe Stephanie was truly born that day. Believe me, I was one scared girl, but it set the stage for what has followed.

It was a Saturday afternoon at a Kappa Beta meeting when I walked in a room at the old Arena Inn on Independence Boulevard in Charlotte, NC. Inside, a few crossdressers had gathered. I had already contacted Sherri Lynn, the corresponding secretary for KB at the time. We had chatted on the phone several times in the preceding month and a half. I knew I was going to get a makeover from a GG friend of the group.

When I walked in that room, I had little idea what to expect. Everyone was nice, but I knew I was opening a door on a part of me that had not seen the light of day. I was full of questions. Sherri was great at answering all of them. She took me to Lucy’s studio where I was to get my makeover. About three from the group also joined us. As soon as I sat in the chair and she started to apply the makeup, I knew there was no turning back. When she was finished with my makeup and wig styling, I looked in the mirror and was amazed by the results. There I was… a girl. That was Stephanie looking back. I was the girl in the mirror. I was her.

However, it wasn’t until I stepped outside that it all truly hit me. It was warm for a February day with a nice light breeze. The sun hitting my face and the breeze against my skirt made it all feel very real. I knew this was right. This is who I was meant to be. I wasn’t a freak. I wasn’t even a man in a dress. I was simply me, and I was out never to return to the closet.

I am a little unusual in that I had never put the full physical picture together until that day. I had played mostly with clothes and some with makeup and wigs over the previous eight years. However, I had never worn the whole package (clothes, makeup, wig, shoes, forms, etc.) until then. I really had little idea how I would look. The whole effect was quite intoxicating. Six months later after finally getting somewhat competent doing my own makeup, I could look in the mirror and see a girl in the mirror. In fact, I would probably ask her out if I saw her on the street.

I have grown so much since that first outing. I feel like I learned so much the first two years and then had a lull for five years. The past three years have seen another growth spurt where I have a greater understanding of my feminine nature (much of which I have written about). I am thankful to be able to be the real me and to continue to explore and learn. With the help of supportive friends, I know it will continue. I look forward to what lies ahead while reminiscing about that first outing. I enjoy briefly taking myself back to that day and remembering how I felt. It gives me courage and strength for the future to know I took the big step into that motel room. I will continue to take those steps down the road which will lead me to a larger role on this stage we call life.

1 comment:

Penny said...

Hi Stephanie!

Sorry I haven't kept up with everyone(and haven't kept up with your blogs as is evident with this late comment)! What made me put this here is that a ghost reached out and touched me when I read of your coming out; that ghost was me. Especially the part of walking out of a hotel room at KB, feeling the sun and wind upon me, and knowing that there was no turning back from something so long repressed but so right.

Since that time my own life has slowly evolved along a somewhat different path, one that took me to my lowest depths and hasn't been much more than a constant climb with the next peak obscured since then, though it is so good to now know that you are reaching your own highs in life. May your path take you higher with ease for you well deserve it!

Penny