Tuesday, May 29, 2007

I'm Getting There

I have a bad habit of downplaying compliments sometimes even from the best of friends who have nothing but good thoughts for me. I am getting better at simply saying "thank you" and appreciating kind words from both friends and strangers. I'm not totally sure why I do this except that I'm a fairly analytical person. I like to constantly evaluate myself. It's difficult to let go and accept the nice word from another person.

That leads into the title... "I'm Getting There." I spent a wonderful Saturday evening with some good tg friends discussing life over dinner. I wasn't sure who was going to be at the restaurant that night, but I was pleasantly surprised with the quality of people present. There are some nights when it seems anything is possible. As the conversation flowed amongst each of us, I felt like this was one of those nights.

Each of the women were at what the world might say a different stage of transition. Two were post-op and even admitted that there is no longer a reason to attend support meetings except for the company. I am always thankful for those that choose to maintain their ties to the tg community. It's not an easy decision.

At one point in a conversation with my good friend Pam, she complimented me on how far I've come. Pam to me is one of the wisest people around. If you don't like her, you just don't like people. She is one of those real gems in this world. When she said that, I was still thinking how I am still very much in the closet and living a dual lifestyle. I'm not on hormones, not in therapy, not even doing any hair removal. Physically I am still very much a male. I don't even know how much of the above I will end up doing, but I still see the long road ahead.

So my response was, "I'm getting there." Immediately I felt like I said something wrong, but Pam's response was along the lines of, "We all are." It goes beyond even appreciating the journey. A big part is being happy with where you are now particularly as you're moving on the road. Being thankful is a big part of that. If you're not happy with what you've done and what you are doing, you will not be happy in the future. It is ok to look back and appreciate how far you have come.

So let me be thankful that I've been blessed to discover my true self, and I'm learning more everyday. So to those who pass along a kind word or compliment, "Thank you!" To those who brought this scared girl into the daylight, a very big "Thank you!" And to those who design and make all those wonderful prom and formal dresses, you get a "Thank you" as well. You knew I couldn't go a whole week without mentioning my favorite obsession.

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