Tuesday, May 29, 2007

You Never Know - How I Met Ms. Carmen

As we go through life, there are some things that we never consider doing. In many cases, we have very good and valid reasons. For example, I have no desire to go to Afghanistan anytime soon. There's a strong survival instinct that probably makes it wise for me to keep things that way. However, sometimes we keep doors closed that are worth opening or at least putting our foot in.

Such is the case with a phone sex service. I had many times accidently typed in a wrong url or clicked where I shouldn't have and been lead to a porn site. Getting out in many cases proved difficult with the numerous pop-up windows. Such was not the case as I clicked on a call site from URNotAlone. It lead me first to Sissy School which I knew wasn't my cup of tea. Then I found FemPhone which seemed more up my alley. Women who feminize men sometimes even willingly. I was genuinely interested, but I had never called such a site.

I was curious and emailed a few of the mistresses with my debutante fantasy. I wanted to be dressed like a girl going to her debutante ball. Most emailed me back and said they would be willing to work with me. I called one, talked for 30 minutes, but didn't really click. I jumped on their online chat and was recommended Ms. Sarah. She was the one who said I should skip the fantasy and actually buy the dress. It took a few months, but her words came to fruition when I bought that debutante dress. So in a way, Ms. Sarah planted the first seed.

Oddly enough, I decided to call one of the mistresses who had not responded to my initial inquiries - Ms. Carmen. She had posted something in her blog about setting aside thirty minutes, and she would do a magical transformation turning you into a woman. I liked the idea of that and called her cold. I asked Ms. Carmen for a rather vanilla transformation asking her to turn me into a schoolgirl. Thirty minutes later I was one happy girl.

However, it was the second call a month later when we really clicked. This time, I asked to be turned into a debutante. The call went very much like before only this time she had me in sheer ecstasy. I could not believe the very feminine feeling she had awoke in me. So out of my mouth as I was enjoying the moment came, "I feel like a girl." Ms. Carmen softly replied back, "Well you are." I was amazed at how we transitioned so nicely into a conversation about each other. She suggested that I might enjoy hypnosis. I was curious, but I also now trusted Ms. Carmen. She wrote in her blog the next day:

Stephanie. What a delicious time we had while I dressed you and made you feel supremely feminine… in MANY ways! I look forward to much more fun and intimacy with you, and I thank you for the photo you sent me. You are simply lovely.

In January, we had our first hypnosis session. We chatted at length beforehand on Yahoo Messenger. I told Ms. Carmen that I felt like the time to transition between male and female was too lengthy. I could do the actual dressing, makeup, wig, etc, but I felt like the mental switch didn't always occur. In a sense, I was worried about my duality. During the session, Ms. Carmen asked me to treat Stephanie as the real person and my male side as the costume. She doesn't use trigger words with me... just suggestions and feminine affirmations. When she brought me out, I felt quite emotional. Ms. Carmen says this is normal, and she feels the same way working with her clients.

Let me say this about Ms. Carmen's hypnosis sessions. They are very relaxing, and I always come out much more emotionally aware of myself. She instills the words, "strength, confidence, and grace" in each session. And no, I don't make animal sounds or do silly things afterwards. I'm only reinforced in my feminine goals, and it seems to be working. There are times when I get revelations, and I can't explain where it comes from. That is what hypnosis does for me.

In our most recent session, we chatted for a long time before the actual session. It still seems I keep many doors closed. Ms. Carmen has asked that I don't eliminate any good possibilities particularly ones that I am currently doing. She says I shouldn't assume that I can't carry over some of the work I do and enjoy in male mode into a feminine equivalent. Ms. Carmen also helped me put some issues about my past to rest especially my college years. I've had dark thoughts about how I wasted those years and especially about being caught. I understand that part of my life was necessary in order to get to where I am now.

One person asked me in chat if I was "owned" by Ms. Carmen. I said no. I consider her a friend. I have told many of the mistresses and chatters that Ms. Carmen has a love and passion for the tg community. She has even asked me my opinion on how she deals with some of her crossdresser callers who want to come out. She also has a strong intuition, and I enjoy hearing her thoughts about my life circumstances. I understand many of the regular callers have mistress type relationships in their sessions, and that is what they were looking for. As it turns out, I was looking for someone to help me understand myself better. As far as I'm concerned, someone who can do that is truly a friend.


BillyBear said...

I had many times accidently typed in a wrong url or clicked where I shouldn't have and been lead to a porn site.

You too? I can't tell you the hundreds of thousands of times I've made THAT mistake!

Nice blog by the way!

Stephanie Marie said...

Thank you for the kind words! I'd thank you even more except I understand you do not have many more posts in your future ;)